AScript of Young Adult fiction for Anti/Climactic Times
Scenario and text: Phil Cohen; Graphics: Maureen Burdock (Cover and story), Jina Lee (Map)
To eat, to sleep, to walk, to communicate, these elementary acts demand an effort to throw oneself onto the other bank of the river. Michel Serres
Walls turned sideways are bridges. Angela Davis
Being young is a great advantage, since we see the world from a new perspective and we are not afraid to make radical changes. Greta Thunberg
Page 1 Main Character Profiles:
Beth, looks after sheep, but she ain’t no Little Bo Peep
Maggie, her adoptive mum, owns a farm and has political ambitions
Rin Tin Tin, the farm’s sheep dog and ex film star
Panic, Beth’s pet ram, lives up to his name
Khalid, a goatsherd, a bit of a boffin with an addiction to bad puns
Amadi, Khalid’s dad, ambitious to run a coffee shop
The three silly billies, a family team who specialise in getting people’s goat
The Professor, a famous thinker about the environment and a bit nutty about bridges
Mister Huggins, Troll-in-chief, shape-shifter and big time grifter
Greta T, a climate activist, who also appears in the guise of Beth’s imaginary friend and as a deep fake
Page 2/3 The first convo
Graphic showing phone texts
K Hi
B Hey
K You OK?
B Yeah WBU?
K Yea good thanks.
K I been thinking
B Glad to hear it. What about?
K Us. You and Me
B Are you and me Us already?
K That’s what I mean. What’s in the script?
B How should I know?
K Did they say anything when you signed up for this story?
B Nope. Well – they said it was a fable
K like Cinderella?
B You gotta be joking! I ain’t no Little Bo Peep hanging around for lost sheep or waiting for my Prince Charming to come along!
K Don’t worry, that ain’t in my contract either, Princess. And, don’t worry, I ain’t no lost sheep neither!
B Cinderella is a fairy story not a fable.
K Same difference
B Not really. You remember when you were little getting told a bedtime story about the Three Billy Goats Gruff and the wicked Troll? Well that’s a fable.
K Don’t reckon whoever wrote it knew anything about goats.
B That’s the whole point, duh. Fables don’t have to be realistic but they do have to make a moral point.
K So what’s the moral of that story? I remember feeling sorry for the Troll …
B K Lol! You would!
K Seems like the message is: Wait for big daddy to come along and sort it all out?
B Yeah well like Greta Thunberg says, that’s exactly what’s got the world into the mess it’s in over climate change. Anyways this fable we’re in is a rewrite, a grown-up version …
K You mean it’s got old timers in it?
B They told me it has got a weird old professor who has a thing about bridges and, of course, a modern day Troll. The script writer said Greta T makes an appearance. And then there’s us! of course.
K So what’s this ‘fable’ about then?
B As far as I can figure out it’s about a catastrophe that might happen to the planet unless humans get their act together to stop it.
K So its political! Doesn’t seem like much of a personal angle! Where do we come in?
B P’raps we become eco-warriors, lol
K Huh more likely the authors thought they should bring in a bit of teen romance to keep readers interested. You know, like Romeo and Juliet. East Side Boy meets West Side Girl
B ‘They fall in love and bring their two warring communities together to fight for climate justice.’
K ’And everyone lives happily ever after.’ You gotta be kidding me! How corny can you get! No way are we gonna go along with that
B Well, I dunno. Maybe it turns out we are just friends, with other benefits.
K Hmm, I guess there are some options there.
B Problem is, we don’t seem to have any choice but to go along with whatever the author decides.
K I’m not so sure. Why don’t we just make it up as we go along and see where the story takes us. And maybe leave it to the readers to decide how the story ends….
B Funny that’s just what the script writer said!
PART ONE: IN A ONCE AND FUTURE TIME
Page 4: In the beginning
Text: Not so long ago and not so far away as you might imagine, there lived a family of goats. They were looked after by a young goatherd named Kahlid and his dad Amadi. They all lived on the east bank of the river Vimur where the ground was hilly, somewhat stony and sparsely planted with wheat. The East Bankers eked out a living from selling the goats’ cheese and milk and also from making suede clothes and shoes from their hides. They believed themselves to be mild-mannered, stable and amicable folk, brimming with kind heartedness. Like all Capricorns they may look gentle, but they don’t take any shit.
Graphic: The East Bankers’ goat fair, with barbecues serving goat curry and stalls selling jackets, trousers and skirts plus milk and cheese. In one corner the kids are involved in a head butting competition. Khalid is wearing a T shift with a Capricorn sign on it.
Page 5: The grass is greener
Text: On the opposite side of the river amidst lush grassy meadows there lived sheep farmers, wool merchants, clothiers and others who made a good living from their sheep. West Bankers chose Aries the Ram as their special sign and saw themselves accordingly as creative and energetic folk who were always up for new adventures even if that meant upsetting other people. Which it often did, especially East Bankers.
Graphic: West Bankers’ festival – kiosks with woollen items and free lamb stew. In one corner there is a sheep-shearing competition going on. Beth is there wearing an Aries T shirt with Rin Tin Tin.
Page 6: The Big Divide
Text: The East and West Bankers did not have much to do with one another. The East Bankers thought their neighbours were, well, sheepish, always playing ‘follow my leader’. The West Bankers thought those on the opposite bank were rather goatish folk – uncouth, and liable to use their heads for butting people rather than thinking with.
Graphic: East Bankers with collective thought bubble of West Bankers looking sheepish. West Bankers with collective thought bubble of East Bankers head-butting each other
Pages 7: All Mapped Out
Showing major sites in the story
Page 9: Signs of the times
Illustrated Text: This had been the way of things for as long as anyone could remember. But then, slowly at first and then with increasing speed, the situation began to change. And not for the better. The first sign that all was not well was that its rained more often and more heavily than usual. The river regularly overflowed its banks, and flooded into the houses and gardens of the West Bankers. The East Bankers who lived on higher ground were less affected, though some of the goats’ regular foraging was washed away. The climate began to change in other ways. A succession of heatwaves meant that the grass shrivelled up and died and sparked fires. The river all but dried up at the height of Summer. Again, the West Bankers were worst affected. Their sheep had no grass to feed on and some of their houses were burned to the ground. The East Bankers had the foresight to plant special wheat that could withstand more extreme temperatures. The river Vimur was fast flowing and not easily fordable. There was no bridge.…
Page 10/11: A brief illustrated history of Trolls
Trolls used to have areputation for being useful critters to have around. If you lost your keys, for example, they could be relied on to leave no stone unturned to find them for you…for a price.
Then humans became suspicious of the trolls’ capacity for information gathering.
Page 12: When East doesn’t meet West
Illustrated Text: The West Bankers thought that the solution to flooding was to build a levee on their side of the river. The East Bankers argued that was too expensive and anyway might not work. Just look at what happened in New Orleans! Better to allow the marshland to expand to absorb the water. The West Bankers objected that sheep could not graze on marshland even if goats could and their riverside homes would be flooded. No, they would settle for building a levee on their side and if the East Bankers wanted their goats to paddle about on a flood plain that was their business.
The longer the online discussion went on the more bad-tempered it became. Insults flew back and forth: ‘Goat Lover!’ ‘Sheep Shagger!’ were just two of the more printable. Then Amadi, one of the East Bankers, suggested that perhaps both sides should meet up in person and see if they could come to some agreement once they were face to face. Maggie T, the biggest sheep farmer and the West Banker’s spokesperson poo-pooed the idea. Where and how could they meet? There was no bridge….
Graphic of meeting
Swots Corner: Note on lamb production
Page 13: Enter Mister Huggins and Troll Fabrications Inc
Text: Like all Trolls Mister Huggins is a great shape-shifter, assuming either dwarf or giant proportions according to how people regard him. If he thinks someone is looking down on him as less than human his neck grows until he towers over his adversary; if they treat him as more than human his neck shrinks down into his shoulders. He avoids sunlight because he is afraid of his own shadow and always wears sun glasses, even indoors. He has a small goatee beard and is very fond of lambswool pullovers. He is the CEO of Troll Fabrications Inc, a civil engineering and mining company.
Portrait of Mister Huggins as shape shifter
Page 14:Bunkering Down
Scenario: The bunker is built into the side of a mountain and to anybody else looks just like a cave, except it has running water and a generator to provide electricity. Mister Huggins had bought it from a company that offered ‘climate-proofed housing with open air conditioning and all the facilities needed to sustain a luxury life style, plus 24/7 security to deter climate refugees from breaking in’.
Graphic: Mister Huggins at home in his luxury bunker. On the wall of the cave is a big company logo showing a Troll Rampant and below the strap line ‘In Trolls we Trust’
Pages 15/16: The faking of an East Side Story
Scenario: Mister Huggins, perched on a tiny chair, monitoring the community discussion on his super -smart wall screen and eating an enormous goats cheese sandwich, including its plastic wrapping.
He pings his homebot.
Mister Huggins : Give me a reboot on that meeting, Adriana
Adriana: ‘ Do you vant it mit deep fake or real time, Charlie?
Mister Huggins (busily typing): Give me that Amadi goat guy, mocked up with this text
Fake AI image of ‘Amadi’ on screen voicing the script :
‘Fellow East-Bankers. We have just seen yet another example of the way we are treated by our so- called neighbours – with total contempt and disregard for our interests. It is time we decided our own destiny and I have some good news for you. I have just received a communication from Mister Huggins, who as you will know heads up Troll Fabrications Inc. He informs me that their drones have detected a large deposit of lithium on our land. If we give his company exclusive rights to mine this material for the next 25 years, he guarantees to build each of us, free of charge, a luxury eco-home in a new location further away from the river, with a special enclosure for our goats. In addition he will help promote our goat products on all the Troll platforms. Finally, to make all this possible he proposes to build a bridge across the river, using a special recycled plastic material. He will personally supervise the construction to ensure it meets all the New Green Deal targets. The bridge will not only provide access to the mining site, but allow us access to the West Bank and all its facilities. It will enable our kids to go to a new school, to be called Huggins Academy, which will be built by Troll Fabrications and where they will have the same opportunities as the West Bankers so called ‘little lambs’. And, of course, in agreeing to this generous offer we will also be doing our bit to support green energy policies and so help avert the climate catastrophe’.
Mister Huggins: Ok, that should do the trick. Send it, Adriana, with the usual covering note.
Adriana sends the video prompt with the following message tag attached:
‘Dear Esteemed Mister Amadi, I listened to your speech at the recent meeting and was very impressed by your resolute stance. I would like to help you and your community resolve the outstanding issues. I am enclosing a proposal for your consideration. For your convenience I have embedded the substantive offer in the attached vidbot to save you the trouble of having to voice it yourself. Troll look forward to working with you and your community to deliver this exciting new project. With felicitations, signed Mister Huggins, Troll Fabrications Inc’.
Graphic: Messagesent in same type face
Pages 17/18: At loggerheads
Scenario: Amadi and his son Kalid are sitting in the front room of their prefab home staring at the computer screen in amazement.
Khalid: I never knew you could talk like that, dad, so smooth, no pauses or ‘ums’ and ‘ers’.
Amadi (looking sheepish, i.e wearing a sheep’s mask): Neither did I!
Khalid: Well, what you gonna do about it?
Amadi: About what ?
Khalid: About the fact that this jerk has used you, or what looks like you, to con people into accepting a deal which will wreck their livelihoods, wreck the environment, and leave everyone feeling really shitty as they sit in their fancy new eco-houses knowing that what they have done, just for the money, is wrong.
Amadi: I know where you are coming from there, Khally. But look, it’s a big opportunity for us East bankers to improve our lot. The world is crying out for lithium, it’s now one of the most profitable commodities. It’s the new gold. The mine is going to bring a lot of money with it.
Khalid: Listen, Dad, that ain’t necessarily so. I’ve done my homework on this. The smart money is on sodium not lithium to make the next generation of batteries. Its salt, basically, so it can be found anywhere there is a sea. whereas lithium is only mined in big quantities in China and a few other countries and its soon gonna run out. There are still a few glitches to sort out, but there’s a switch coming.
Amadi: Blimey, Khally, you are a real swot. No wonder they called you Doctor Spock at school. I remember you were the only kid could recite the periodic table. But you can be sure Troll has got a whole bunch of boffins working on the case, and that Mister Huggins can be relied to know his own business.
Khalid: Yeah, well how come if Troll & Co know best, like you say, they have messed up the world so bad! And another thing, what about the goats? In case you forgot, they are how we make a living, How do you think they will feel about being penned up all day. They need to get out and roam about.
Amadi: The bridge will mean we can cross over the river whenever we want. The goats will also like it. Just think of all those allotments and vegetable gardens waiting to be ‘explored‘. We can just turn a blind eye while they enjoy themselves and we get on with the business of selling our produce door-to-door to all those rich folk.
Khalid (snorting): if you believe that, you believe that goats can fly. It’s all a load of sheepwash, innit? We’ve always been told the grass is greener on the other side of the river. Now they’re saying they’re gonna build a bridge so we can take our goats to eat their grass. Only from what I’ve heard the grass ain’t so green any more over there!
Amadi: Don’t forget Troll are offering to build a new school where our kids can have the best opportunities. Plus I would be able to open a coffee house by the bridge for all the passing trade, the miners, the lorry drivers….
Khalid: This mining operation is gonna make Troll billions, but the batteries they make will just let rich folk feel they’re doing their bit to save the planet as they swish about in their SUVs. It’s not just sheepwashing, it’s brainwashing. Talk about ‘Animal Farm’. We’d be best off sticking with our own kind, forgetting about the mine and working things out for ourselves.
Amadi: Well, I seem to remember there was only one goat on Animal Farm, name of Muriel, who was the wisest and kindest of creatures. I am going to follow her example and ask other people what they think, rather than condemn the whole thing out of hand. Otherwise the river will stay like a wall, shutting us off from physical contact with the wider world and we have to rely on what we see and hear second hand on our screens.
Khalid (Think bubble saying something very rude): He storms out of the house slamming the door behind him.
Graphic: Double page stripincludingAmadi’s dream vision of what he hopes the East Bank will be like, with the coffee shop etc and ‘sheep washing’. One graphic shows Khalid Reciting Periodic Table.
Swots Corner: Info-graphic showinglithium and sodium battery production and their relative costs and benefits.
Page 19: The Making of a West Side Story
Scenario: Mister Huggins takes another bite out of his goat’s cheese sandwich and pings Adriana.
Huggins: Now let’s deal with the West Bankers. Get me that Maggie Farm woman’. A few minutes later her fake identiprop pops up on the screen:
Screen Text: ‘My Dear Fellow West Bankers, thank you so much for your patience and support as we try to deal with this difficult situation. The attitude of our so-called neighbours on the other side of the river was disappointing but we have come to expect these selfish, or may I say, goatish, attitudes from them. All the more important then that we uphold our values and our belief in the common good in these dark times. In this respect I have some good news for you. I have had a communication from Mister Huggins, who as you know is one of our leading and most respected entrepreneurs. He tells me that his company is willing to build a new levee and irrigation system on our side of the river which will ensure our homes are protected from flooding, our meadows remain fertile with grass and our sheep will have adequate pasturage for the foreseeable future. He will also be building a new school with special facilities for our little lambs. The New Huggins Academy will be the envy of our neighbours. There will be a bridge over the Vimur which will open up our area to the wider world. Why, you may ask, should he be doing all this? Well, it is part of a plan to redevelop our part of the country so that it become a leading edge of our transition to a green economy. We will be a shining example to others, perhaps less fortunate than ourselves, as to how to tackle the global boiling crisis. And talking of those less fortunate, Mister Huggins has assured me that our neighbours will also benefit from the proposed scheme. He did not go into detail but apparently they are excited by the possibilities. So we are clearly in a win-win situation here. In return Mister Huggins hinted that we might like to show our appreciation by erecting a statue to him. He hopes that his generosity will put an end, once and for all, to the fake news about Troll Fabrications Inc.’
Graphic: Typeset as previous message. Maggie’s fake image ghosted by Mister Huggins.
Mister Huggins: Haven’t lost my touch, have I, Adriana? Send it. With the usual disclaimer. He gulps down the last of his goat’s cheese sandwich and collapses gratefully into his chair which, under the pressure of his huge weight, expands so that it embraces and almost dwarfs him.
Pages 20/21: Meanwhile down on Maggie’s Farm
Scenario: A few miles away, down on Maggie’s Farm, the whole family are sitting around a big oak table in the conservatory. Maggie (owns farm), her Pa Japeth (the business manager), her Ma Gwyneth (animal welfare), her brother, Seth (Human Resources) and her adopted tweenage daughter Beth (general dogsbody). They have just watched the video clip that Troll Inc had sent.
Graphic: Family Portrait
Japeth (to Maggie): I do think that Mister Higgins, or whatever his name is, might have asked your permission first before putting his words into your mouth.
Maggie: Well for sure he owes me big time for that and I just might need to call that favour in at some point. What about his proposition, though?
Japeth: I think it makes sound economic sense. It’s going to put us on the map, big time. Not to mention all the media attention. It will give us a chance to diversify, open a store perhaps, build a motel. Maggie’s Farm will become known far and wide.
Seth: They might even write a song about us! But it will probably mean we will have to pay our staff higher wages, otherwise they will just run off and work for Troll.
Gwyneth: At least the sheep will be happy to have their pasture back !
Maggie: You’re right, mum! And don’t forget they are offering to build us a state-of-the-art flood defence and irrigation system at no cost to us.
Japeth: Yeah, but it will mean that the East Siders and their goats will be able to come across the bridge and wander about our neighbourhood, up to all sorts….
Maggie: (goatishly, i.e. wearing a goat’s mask) Well it’s a small price to pay and maybe we can employ some of them to do the dirty grunt jobs on the farm.
Beth (angry and agitated): Are you guys for real? Am I really hearing this?! Have you checked Troll Fabrications Inc out lately? They got the Greenwashing Award of the Year, three years running! Everyone knows how they operate. They make lots of great promises about how they are going to make over an area, everyone is going to benefit, they show a bunch of glitzy vids. Then once they’ve got the go ahead they do what they want – destroy the natural habitat of all the critters around and then bugger off, leaving behind a wasteland that takes generations to recover. The only environmental policy Troll know to do is hit-and-run scorched earth.
Maggie: Now, now, Bethy. You’ve been reading too many of those eco-warrior tracts. Mister Huggins assured me that it’ll be the East Bankers who will have to put up with most of the noise and inconvenience, not us.
Beth: So that makes it OK does it? They get all the shit and we get all the benefits?
Maggie: I am afraid it was ever thus, darling. You are lucky to be working on my farm and living our side of the river. Just be thankful we took you in, my girl.
Beth: Well, just count me out!! (Exits shouting over her shoulder as she slams the conservatory door behind her.)
Graphic: Two page strip including Maggie’s dream vision of the future West Bank
Swots corner: End Note on Maggie’s farm and Mrs Thatcher
Page 22: Playing Bridges
Scenario: When Beth is upset she likes to talk to her imaginary Chat GPT generated friend who she calls Greeta.
Beth: Hi Greeta!
Greeta: Hi Beth, how are you?
Beth: I am down in the dumps. Fed Up. Pissed Off.
Greeta: Hmm, that is three expressions which mean more or less say the same thing . Its not like you to repeat yourself, I am sorry to hear this, Beth. What’s the matter? What’s happened? What has gone wrong?
Beth: Hmm, that’s three questions more or less asking the same thing! You must be taking after me .
Greeta: As you know, as your imaginary friend I do my best to mirror your moods, Beth.
Beth: So everything’s getting me down. I hate working on Maggie’s farm. I hate Maggie. I hate the rest of the stupid family. All they think about is money , money , money. They don’t care about the animals. They don’t even care about the land they farm. I mean they are always pouring pesticides on it. And now they have jumped on the bandwagon of this crazy scheme which they think is going to make them rich but which will destroy their livelihoods.
Greeta: That is very bad. As you know I take after my namesake and am very ???
Beth: Then to top it all I’m supposed to be grateful to them for taking me in, they pay me a pittance and treat me like shit. When I complain they tell me I am suffering from ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ and should go see a shrink!
Greeta: I don’t understand. They want you to feel small so they send you to be shrunk? Wait a minute. Oh yes, I see it, it’s a popular term for a therapist. Cinderella syndrome. I can’t find any reference to that in the psychological literature. In any case it does not seem appropriate in your case. Have you lost a shoe or found a Prince Charming? Or had fantasies about it?
Beth: Definitely not.
Greeta: Wait a moment. I have found something which I think more accurately describes your predicament. It’s a song. Would you like me to sing it for you? It might help lift your mood.
Beth: Yes Please, Greeta.
Page 23: Greeta sings the blues
I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s Farm, no more
No, I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s Farm, no more
Well, I wake up in the morning, fold my hands, and pray for rain
I got a head full of ideas, that are drivin’ me insane
It’s a shame, the way she makes me
Scrub the floor
I ain’t gonna work on, nah
I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s Farm, no more
Well, I try my best to be just like I am
But everybody wants you to be just like them
So I tell them just you wait and see
It wont be long before I’m free
I ain’t gonna work on, nah
I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s Farm, no more
Graphic: Song Text and music notations with Greeta strumming the guitar and Beth clapping along
Beth: Wow thanks, Greeta. You’re not just a pal, you’re sta .
Greeta: I am just doing what you programmed me to do, Beth. I have a suggestion. Why don’t you take Panic and Rin Tin Tin down to the river. You tell me you always enjoy spending time with them.
Beth That’s just what I was thinking!
Page 24: Playing at ‘Bridges’
Panic is Beth’s pet ram and is named after the Greek God for wildness for a very good reason. He has the loudest of bleats, more like a scream than a bleat and does it every time he is hungry. Rin Tin Tin sometimes joins in. He is a German shepherd and the smartest of the sheep dogs on Maggie’s Farm. He always knows where to look for sheep that stray and has saved the lives of several.
Graphic: Beth, Panic and Rin Tin Tin
Page 25: Khalid’s Guide to Goats
When Khalid is upset he always goes to talk to his goats. He is fond of all of them, each has their special little ways.
Grandpa Billy Goat Huff and Puff get out of breath a lot, especially when he is trying to show off his head butting skills to the younger kids. He needs a bit of coaxing in the morning before he can be persuaded to go walk about. Sometimes he goes wandering off on his own and forgets the way back to the herd.
Daddy Billy Goat Bluff is a strong silent type who can be relied on to make sure that the herd stays together and doesn’t get into any dangerous situations. But he is also a bit of a tricky customer, you never quite know I what kind of a mood he is in.
Nanny Goat Gruff is very warm and caring but hides that under her gruff exterior. She spends most of her time looking after the kids, and is Khalid’s favourite.
The three kids are known collectively as the Silly Billy Crew because they are always clowning about, playing tricks and generally doing mischief. The expression ‘ getting someone’s goat’ is probably down to them.
Billy Rough and Tough is the oldest. His nick name was ‘Enuff is Enuff’ because he has a very short fuse and quickly lost his temper if things didn’t go his way. But he pretends to be more of a head banger than he really is. He is actually very resourceful and good at getting the crew out of tight corners.
Billy Twinkle Toes is a fantastic tap dancer who makes doing the Clip Clop into everyone’s favourite jump about. He is especially fond of munching coffee beans to get him on his hooves.
Non Binary Billy (or NBB for short) is the youngest and sometimes dresses up in a sheepskin, especially when it is cold.
After he has made sure Nanny, Daddy and Grandpa are OK, Khalid decides to take the Silly Billy Crew for a walk down to the river They love playing at ‘Bridges‘, as they take it in turns to kneel down while the others jump over them.
Playing at ‘Bridges’
Pages 26: Down by the Riverside
Swots Corner End Noteon River Vimur
Scenario: Khalid and the Three Silly Billies standing on some rocks and surveying the river racing past. It has been raining hard for the previous two days and the path along the bank is flooded.
Khalid (think bubble): This is happening more and more…the Silly Billies are all good swimmers, but it’s too risky today.
While Khalid thinks what to do, he hears a shout from the other bank.
Khalid (think bubble): It’s that girl from Maggie’s Farm, with her fancy dog and pet ram. What does she want?
Beth (think bubble): That stupid boy, it will only take a sudden gust of wind and he’ll be in the water.
She waves vigorously to attract his attention.
Graphic: Khalid (wearing ‘Goats for Gaia’ T shirt) and the Three Silly Billies. Beth (wearing Save Our Sheep T shirt) with Panic and Rin Tin Tin waving on opposite bank
Khalid starts to wave back when a gust of wind catches him and throws him off balance. He slips off the rock into the river. He struggles to keep his head above water. He lets out a yodel which the Silly Billies knew is a signal that they should stay where they were. Beth run to the edge of the bank, but she can’t swim.
Rin Tin Tin has his K9 Life Saver’s badge and doesn’t wait to be told what to do. With a warning bark the German Shepherd dives in and is soon at Khalid’s side, gripping his collar firmly in his jaws and towing him back to safety .
Graphics: Khalid falling into the water. Khalid Yodelling ‘ Stay where you are’. Goats think bubble: ‘Lets stay here’. Beth on the riverbank. Rin Tin Tin rescuing Khalid wearing his K9 Life Savers badge.
Page 27: East Bank Boy meets West Bank Girl
Khalid: Thanks, Beth. (spluttering as he wrings the water out of his T shirt).
Beth: Don’t thank me, thank Rin Tin Tin! What you doing down here anyways?’
Khalid: I just got fed up listening to the guff about Troll and all the wonderful things they say they’re going to do for us if we let them mine our land for Lithium
Beth: Oh, they never said nothing to us about no mine. Only that they’re going to build a bridge and help us get our meadowland back for our sheep to graze.
Khalid: I guess you must have fallen for that one, then. All you West Bankers with your Save Our Sheep T shirts, you ain’t got a clue where you’re going, just follow your leader, you got a flock mentality, my dad says.
Beth: I may look after the lambs but I ain’t no Little Bo Peep. And what about your lot going around with your Goats for Gaia badges? You don’t know nothing ‘bout sheep anyways. They got a better sense of direction than goats, they can find their own way to the pastures and they don’t fall in rivers like you.
Khalid: Huh. you’ll be telling me they got built-in satnavs next.
Beth: You said it, not me. Anyways I don’t like Troll any more than you do. I had a row with the family just now about that. I came down here ‘cos I was sick of hearing everyone going on about how great it is to work on Maggie’s Farm. It ain’t. Its really bad.
Khalid: Looks like I got a better deal than you there, ‘cos it’s really just me and dad, we get on OK, though I don’t always agree with him, like he seems to be in favour of doing a deal with Mister Huggins.
Beth (blushing. Thought bubble plus image): What a cool guy. If there was a bridge, maybe we could see more of each other.
Beth: I guess you better let Rin Tin Tin here give you a lift back home. See you later Alligator!’
Khalid: With a smile crocodile!
Graphic: Khalid clinging on to Rin Tin Tin’s back as he is towed back across the river to his goats while an alligator eyes the goats hungrily.
Page 28: The not-so-great debate
Text: It is decided to organise another online debate to discuss the Troll plan in detail. Those who oppose the project argue that to build the bridge is to invite disaster. Rivers are designed by Nature and ordained by God to define the landscape. It is tempting Providence to try to change it. It is well known that evil spirits haunt bridges. They are not called Beelzebub’s Backbones for nothing. Harm comes to people who use them, just think of all those poor souls jumping off them to commit suicide, not to mention those who are pushed off. The risk is especially great for those humans who first venture across once a bridge is built.
Graphic: Portrait of the nay-sayers neighing, thumbs-downing , shaking their heads. Images of all the terrible omens
Text: The project’s champions argue that on the contrary, blessed are the bridge makers. If God had intended there to be no bridges They would never have made rivers or roads for them to cross. Bridges were holy places, designed to broadcast God’s message.
Graphic: Portrait of yea-sayers yea-ing, thumbs-upping, nodding etc .
A third group argues that those who spend their time pontificating about what might or might not happen and draw on popular superstition to support their case are a bit like ostriches who stick their heads in the sand without noticing that the sands are shifting under their feet.
Graphic: An ostrich on a bridge with its head buried in the ground and gobbledegook coming out of its upturned bottom. In the background plumes of smoke and forest fires.
Swots Corner: End Note on bridges
Page 29: Mister Fix It
Scenario: Mister Huggins watching the discussion on screen at his De Luxe Cave Bunker. He is taking huge bites out of a leg of mutton. He unmutes himself and speaks:
Mister Huggins: ‘Friends, Fellow river folk, lend me your votes. Let us not continue to bicker amongst ourselves. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain from building the bridge. To those of you who think that bridges are dangerous, let us test your argument by sending the sheep and goats across first to see what happens.
Graphic: Collective thought bubble ‘Why didn’t we think of that before?’ In the meeting: almost all hands raised to vote to go ahead with the plan.
PART TWO: ARE WE THAT BRIDGE?
Page 30:
Text: And so the building of the bridge began. As Mister Huggins had promised it was made out of one hundred per cent recycled thermo-plastic material, mostly plastic bottles or packaging which the West Bankers were happy to donate. It may not have been a thing of great beauty like traditional bridges made out of wood, stone, concrete or steel, but unlike wood, it would not rot. Unlike stone or concrete it would not crumble or crack. Unlike steel it would not rust and it required no painting or regular maintenance.
Graphic of Bridge Construction
Page 31 A close encounter of the first kind
Beth often takes Panic and Rin Tin Tin down to the riverside to check on the bridge’s progress ‘Soon,’ she tells them, ‘when the bridge is finished, we will be able to cross and meet up with Khalid and the Silly Billies whenever we want’
One day she is sitting there watching a crane manoeuvring some pillars into position so they could be driven into the river bed to support the bridge’s superstructure, when she notices an old man sitting in a folding chair watching what was going on with intense concentration and writing furiously into a large book.
Beth: I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what are you doing? Are you drawing the bridge?
The Professor: Well, my dear, once upon a time I was a civil engineer. I have always been fascinated by bridges, how they are built, how they change people and the world, and the stories woven around them. In fact I am currently writing a book on the very subject. I am interested in this bridge because the builders claim its carbon footprint will be so small.*
Beth: What’s so special about bridges? Why not write a book about railway stations, or motorways or sewers or oil pipe lines ?
The Professor: Well, other people have done that, but for some reason, since I was a child, bridges have always intrigued me and they continue to provide me with much food for thought. If you have a few moments, let me tell you a story which might help to explain why:
Graphic: Strip showing Beth, Panic and Rin Tin looking on as The Professor is sitting down writing in a notebook, and then their conversation.
The Professor
Swots Corner : Note on carbon footprints and how they are calculated.
Page 32: A Cautionary Tale
Text: A good friend of mine and a great bridge builder was charged with building an aqueduct across a ravine in Portugal. The workforce included not only local Portuguese but came from France, Italy and England. So he hired a couple of translators. There came a moment when he had to instruct the workforce to submerge some wooden stakes to mark the precise points where the piles were to be driven into the riverbed to anchor and secure the bridge’s foundations. Now in English these stakes are known as ‘dead-men,’ but this was translated into French, Italian and Portuguese as ‘cadaver’, in other words, a corpse.
A few days later my friend received a visit from the local Police Commissioner and a bunch of heavily armed cops. ‘How many clandestine workers have you drowned every day?’ demanded the lawman, brandishing a local newspaper in his face with his photo on the front page under the headline ‘Foreign Architect kills slave labourers’. Bewildered by this accusation, my friend could only splutter out his innocence. Then, fortunately, the penny dropped and he realised what had happened and that ‘dead-men’ had been mistranslated. He explained the mistake to the Police Commissioner and fortunately that was the end of the story.
Or not quite the end. For it has a moral. You can build a bridge out of any material you like, stone, concrete, wood, even plastic, but you will not succeed unless you have first built a bridge of words.
Graphic illustrating the story
Page 33: A change of perspective
Beth: Well, that’s all very interesting, I’m sure, but I don’t see how your story helps us with our problem here!
The Professor listens intently as Beth explains the situation with the East Bankers and West Bankers and Troll Fabrication. The old man nods and sighs …
The Professor: Has anyone thought to look at it from the bridge’s point of view? If you are a bridge each side of the river is as far or as near as the other. A bridge is a two-way street. Or think of it as a wall turned sideways. A wall of silence, which turns into a bridge of words. I suggest you try to get everyone to see it this way. It might be worth listening to what your friend Khalid and his goats have to say, and even get them to make more of a song and dance about it. Otherwise you might be heading for a tragedy, which would be a very old fashioned story!
Beth: Thanks, Grandpa, sounds good to me!
And much to his surprise Beth gives the old man a big hug.
Graphic : A bridge made up of words. These could be technical terms used in the bridge construction process.
Swots Corner: in Ancient Greece, the word tragedy meant ‘goat’s song;’ either because actors who played satyrs used to dress up in goats skins, or because they had song competitions and the one who wrote the best one won a goat as a prize. Nowadays the term tragedy is hyped up to refer to any bad outcome, like the England football team failing to win the Euros in 2024. It should really be kept for difficult situations in which the people caught up in them feel :unable to control, or even understand the events or forces that are shaping their destinies, and so feel powerless to prevent a dreadful outcome. The UK failing to win the Eurovision Song Contest is not a tragedy. Global warming leading to the destruction of the planet’s biosphere, is.
Page 34: My dad says…
Scenario
When Beth gets home she immediately texts Khalid and tells him about her encounter with the Professor and what he said.
Khalid: Wow, sounds like a bit of a weirdo. BTW talking of weird, you know what my dad just asked me – did I think the planet would be better off if there were no humans around.? He’s been reading a book called ‘The World Without Us’. The way things are going seems us humans are heading for extinction ‘cos of global boiling and if we were extinct that may be best chance for animals and plants to survive. So bring it on, book says..
Beth: That’s nuts! Maggie says us humans always adapt to changes, specially those we bring about ourselves. That’s why we are the most successful species.
Khalid: My dad says our drive for self-preservation is destroying the habitat we depend on to survive.
Beth: My dad says, my dad says, what do you say, Khalid?
Khalid: I say maybe he has a point
Beth: If there were no more humans, who would milk the goats and shear the sheep? They would be miserable and probably die.
Khalid: If goats aren’t milked, they don’t make any. They are great foragers. Would be just fine without us. As for sheep, they have been specially bred to grow lots of wool and need shearing, but wild sheep would get shorter coats and wouldn’t need us to give them a haircut.
Beth: Yes ‘Professor’. Anyways why do you veggies go on about not eating meat to save the planet if you don’t think it’s possible as long as there are humans?
Khalid: That’s what I asked my dad, lol.
Beth: What did he say?
Khalid: He just shrugged and said the book was a thought experiment.
Beth: Is that all we are – a thought experiment?
Khalid: Nah! We gotta do a flesh meet somehow! But how?
Beth: I dunno. Maybe we need a new story line. This one doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere, lol.
Khalid: What about the script writer? That’s supposed be their job.
Beth: Huh, not sure they are up to it. I know what, let’s ask the Professor, he’s supposed to know about stuff like this. He gave me his office number and said to contact him if I ever had any questions. Shall we Zoom him?
Khalid: Go for it, Zoomer!
Page 35 : Zoomer and Boomer in Convo
Beth dials a number on her phone
Beth: Hello Professor.
Professor: Who is this, please?
Beth: Beth, from the bridge – we met down by the river .
Professor: Ah yes, of course.
Beth: I am with my friend Khalid – I told you about him.
Professor: I remember now. How are you both? What can I do for you?
Beth: We’re both fine, thanks. Actually, we wanted to ask you about the story we are all in.
Professor: Yes, me too. I was interested to be in it because it’s about a bridge and I have always been interested in bridges.
Khalid: But when they asked you to be in it, did they tell you what your role was gonna be?
Professor: Not exactly, but then they didn’t have to because I am, strictly speaking, dead.
Beth: Oh, right, sorry to hear that. Sorry to have bothered you.
Professor: That’s all right. No problem. But why don’t you both wait until you are a bit further along in the story and then come to one of my lectures where I will perhaps discuss some of the issues you are interested in?
Beth: Erm, thanks , we would love to.
Khalid and Beth looking disappointed (shared thought bubble): Fat lot of good that was.
Graphic : Set dialogue as phone text with thumbnail faces
Page 36: Are we that name ?
Scenario/Text
Fast forward two years. The bridge is nearly completed. There had been some controversy over final design. Troll wanted a giant statue to Mister Huggins (made out of the same material as the bridge) to be set astride the deck showing him in a triumphant pose, while the traffic passes between his legs. It was pointed out that this would mean he faced towards one side and turned his back to the other, giving them the bum’s rush as it were. Not a good look. So it was decided that the statue should be designed in such a way that it faced both ways at once. Various designs were submitted and the winning one showed him with his arms raised aloft making a V sign. It was only after the statue had been erected that East Bankers noticed while the fingers of the hands facing towards the West Bank were triumphant in true Churchillian style , those which could be seen from the East bank looked as if they were making a certain very rude gesture. There was an uproar amongst the East Bankers who threatened to boycott the bridge. Then Mister Huggins had a brainwave. Why not have the statue’s head re-made so it was facing both ways at once and his right arm made to revolve? After all Trolls were supposed to be shape shifters! And what more appropriate to mark the opening of a two-way bridge than to give its official guardian ‘two faces’?* As for the V sign it stood for the river Vimur.
*Swots Corner: End note on Janus
Graphic of the original version of the statue shown from each bank. Then the revised version.
Page 37: The Not So Grand Opening
The day of the Grand Opening dawns fresh and bright, with the sun high in a cloudless sky, but then a giant dust cloud blows up. Everyone agrees it is a bad omen for what is to come. At the appointed hour the East Bankers assemble with goats on their side of the bridge and the West Bankers with sheep on theirs. In the middle stands the actual Mister Huggins, looking rather small and insignificant under the giant double-sided statue of himself which straddles the central span. A bright green tape is stretched between the statue’s legs. Fireworks shoot up into the darkening sky, making the sign of Capricorn the goat and then Aries the ram, sparking off the usual Oohs, Aaahs, and big Hurrahs. The band, which has been specially assembled for the occasion and is made up of flautists and bagpipers strikes up Bridge over the River Kwai, while Mister Huggins raps ‘Hey, hey it’s a happy day, hey, hey Huggins got his way, hey, hey, Troll rules OK, hey, hey goats and sheep come out to play’. He cuts the tape with a pair of giant scissors and gives the signal for the sheep to be driven onto the bridge from the West End and the goats from the East End. They meet in the middle. Meet is not exactly the word. The animals collide, and mill about in confusion while Mister Huggins rushes about trying to separate the sheep from the goats.
In the melee, Billy Rough’n’Tough head-butts a sheep that got in his way. Only it turns out to be Non- Binary Billy wearing his sheepskin outfit. Panic, who must have thought it was another game of Bridges, can be seen jumping on the back of the now less-than-life-size Mister Huggins, knocking him to the ground. Huggins manages to ping Security. Unfortunately Security has been outsourced to a Chinese subsidiary of Troll and when it arrives in the shape of a post-graduate law student from Nanking University called Xi Ping he proves quite incapable of distinguishing between sheep and goats.* It takes Rin Tin Tin and Beth to do it for him. With the help of Panic they manage to shepherd the sheep off the bridge and back to Maggie’s Farm. Meanwhile Khalid has got hold of Daddy Goat Bluff and Nanny Goat Gruff who shoo the Three Silly Billies home, with Grandpa, huffing and puffing, bringing up the rear.
*Swots Corner: End Note on words for sheep and goats
Graphic: Double page story strip illustrating the scene. Note there are several overhead shots of the action, as if taken from a drone. In one of the ground images, a small drone can be seen hovering.
Page 38: Media Madness
The press who has been assembled for the occasion has a field day. The Daily Gloat shows a picture of Billy Rough’n’Tough in action under the headline DOESN’T IT GET YOUR GOAT! while The Daily Glow shows Mister Huggins on his hands and knees while Panic vaults over him above the strap line ‘Head Troll Down but Not Out – Vows no More Mister Nice Guy, it’s Time to Stop Being Huggy and Get Toughie.’ Videos of the melee go viral on Pik Pok. One of its top influencers says it showed that Troll Inc are wimps and appeals to Gen Alpha to show what they are made of and stand up to ‘climate lobby snowflakes‘. Nigella Forage, leader of the Refuse Party, tweets: ‘This is what happens when Animal Rights activists and Eco warriors take over. Say No to this Rubbish. It’s against nature to mix sheep and goats.’ Dave Spart on his Big Flame podcast claims that Troll Inc has deliberately set up the whole scenario because they want to trash the idea of the bridge as common ground so they can take back control. The Red Ferrett publishes a photograph of Beth and Khalid, calling them out as the ringleaders of a new underground movement secretly financed by fossil fuel companies which is setting out to sabotage lithium mining and prevent the transition to a green economy. After that they both start to get hate messages and threats from online trolls calling them sheep shaggers, goat lovers and worse. Then come the professional conspiracy theorists. On her website Bloojie Rainbow claims to have spotted a UFO hovering over the bridge during the ceremony, and suggests it is sending high frequency signals to the sheep and goats causing them to stampede, because the Martians want the lithium mine for themselves. Full Spectrum Defence, a foreign policy think-tank, detects the hidden hand of the Chinese government in the presence of Xi Ping, while the GreyZone website claims the British secret service has sent a drone to record the event, because Troll is a front for the Russians, who want to take over or disrupt. There was actually a drone (did you spot it?), but it belonged to Troll and was there to capture footage for use in publicity.
Graphic: Montage of media comments
Pages 39-40: After Blow
Scenario/Text:
Meanwhile, back in the real worldboth sides blame the other for what has happened. Only those who predicted no good would come of it go home satisfied. Back in his luxury bunker, Mister Huggins rubs his hands in glee. Everything has worked out just as he had planned. This is the moment he has been waiting for. He types furiously into his GPT7. When he has finished he pings Adriana. ‘Get the online forum and send this to all parties’:
“ Dear Fellow Critters. After today’s fiasco Troll Fabrications Inc have decided that swift action needs to be taken to secure the future of our common project. From tomorrow the two communities will alternate in using the bridge. East Enders and their goats on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, West Enders with their sheep on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On Sundays the bridge will be closed to all traffic except for Troll vehicles and personnel. Troll will employ a permanent security guard to ensure law and order prevails on the bridge. Oh, and from now on you will need permits to cross the bridge. You can obtain these from the security office. The costs are reasonable: Humans on foot £3 one way, £5 same day return, £10 for a 3-day pass. Bicycles an additional £3 and cars £10. Animals £5 per group return. Animals must be accompanied by a human at all times.”
Graphic Bridge regulations and Toll details
Page 41: Everyone was Flabbergasted
Scenario/ Text :
Everyone was flabbergasted. ‘They never said it was going to be a toll bridge as well as troll bridge. ‘Did we mishear?‘ people cried. The East Enders protested that they couldn’t possibly afford the cost of a weekly permit. The West Enders wanted to know why they could not use the bridge on Sundays when they might like to take their families, including their little lambs, for a picnic outing across the river. Cyclists chanted ‘Two wheels good, four wheels bad!’ Motorists retorted ‘Four wheels good, two wheels bad!’ but they both thought the surcharge was unfair.
Graphic of responses
Page 42: Bridge over troubled waters: Khalid’s Dream
Khalid and Beth were really very upset. They had dreamt they would be able to meet up on the bridge and spend real quality time together. But now they could never meet in the flesh because they wouldn’t be allowed on the bridge at the same time. Even worse, they had been labelled as troublemakers and saboteurs for just trying to sort the situation out.
Khalid was having trouble sleeping and no amount of counting goats helped. When he eventually fell into a troubled sleep he kept having the same dream:
“ I was still and cold. I was a bridge. I lay over a ravine. My toes on one side and my fingers clutching the other. I had clamped myself fast into the crumbling clay. Far below brawled the icy river. No visitor from the other side strayed to this impassable height. The bridge was not yet traced on any map. So I lay and waited. I could only wait. After a long time my first visitor arrived. I turned so as to look at him. It was Mister Huggins! He jumped with both feet on my stomach. I shuddered with wild pain not knowing what was happening. I felt myself beginning to fall and in a moment I was torn and pierced by the sharp rocks which had previously gazed up at me so peacefully from the rushing waters. I awoke with the thought that no bridge, once spanned, can cease to be a bridge.”
Graphic: Full page depiction of dream
Page 43/4: Turning a Corner?
Then one day Beth got a phone call which changed the whole situation, it was from a number abroad and her first reaction was to decline it. It was probably just another troll or cold caller. Then for some unexplained reason she picked up the phone.
Beth: Hello , who is this ?
Greta T: Hi, this is Greta speaking.
Beth: Greta who? I don’t know any Greta, sorry. You’ve got the wrong number.
Greta T: Its Greta Thunberg
Beth: Who ?
Greta T: Greta Thunberg
Beth: Oh, Wow, Awesome, Greta Thunberg, I’m a mega fan of yours, read your book. Uh sorry I mean hello!
Greta T: So how is it going? I saw about what happened in the news. Seems like you’ve got a whole lot of nasty stuff going on.
Beth: Yeah, you said it! Maybe bitten off more than we can chew tbh. We didn’t reckon with how devious Troll was going to be. He comes on all smarmy, saying how much they are gonna do for us and then they go and do stuff behind our backs which is gonna make everything worse.
Greta T: Yeah, Troll got form in that department. We call it greenwashing. These companies pretend to be on our side, to care about the environment, blah blah blah but it’s just for show.
Beth: And then we got flamed by the online trolls.
Greta T: Yeah, I know all about them too. You just got to ignore them. They are sick angry people who don’t understand or care about what is happening to our world and just lash out at anyone who tells the truth about what is happening with climate change. They only want to hear comforting lies from politicians and fossil fuel companies.
Beth: What can we do to stop them?
Greta T: We need to find a way to get the East and West Bankers together to fight together against Troll and for a really good green deal for everyone.
Beth: Wow, that would be fantastic. Wait till I tell Khalid – he’s a boy I know, just a friend at the moment.
Greta T: So I look forward to meeting you both.
Beth: How will you get here?
Greta T: Hmm, well I won’t be flying for sure.
Beth: You scared of flying?
Greta T (laughs): No, it’s not that – it just so bad for the environment. I will find another way.
Thought bubble: She can’t have read my book very carefully if she thinks that!
(Out loud) Actually, on second thoughts, I am very busy right now. We are planning a big intervention at the next COP Meeting and it’s very difficult for me to get away. Maybe its best if we do a Zoom.
Beth: Random!
Greta T: OK, so let’s make a date to get our heads together on line. We need to make a plan.
So they did.
Graphic of phone conversation. Plus A short history of Corporate Greenwashing
Pages 45-48: The Showdown
Scenario: Wednesday the following week. It was raining hard but Beth and Khalid decided to go ahead with their plan anyway. Khalid got all the Billies up and about early, though they grumbled a lot about having to leave their nice warm shed to go out into the wet and cold. Non-binary Billy insisted on wearing his lambswool overcoat.
When they got to the bridge it was deserted except for the security guard at the gate house. At the other end Khalid could see Beth with Panic and Rin Tin Tin waiting and, he hoped, ready to play their part. Khalid had briefed the Billies, so Grandpa Billy Goat started off across the bridge until he reached the checkpoint. ‘Halt’ cried the security guard. ‘Have you a permit? Where is your human?’. Grandpa Billy huffed and puffed. ‘My human is just behind with the others,’ he wheezed. ‘Please let me through, I am an old goat and I need to get over to the other side to munch some nice green grass which will help my asthma’.
The guard who was actually quite kind hearted despite his scary Trollish uniform, said ‘OK, go on then, but next time be sure to bring your human with you’.
Next up was Big Daddy Goat Bluff. When Security stopped him and demanded his permit and where his human was, he replied ‘the rest of the herd is following on behind with him. They have just been delayed by the weather. Don’t worry, they will be here soon.’
‘Well you just stay here until they show up’ said the Guard, thinking to himself: ‘These effing goats must take me for a fool to fall for that one!.’
Big Daddy continued ‘I have a heavy packet of goat’s cheese to carry to some customers on the other side. It really weighs a lot and is a burden even for me. Can you please let me through, kind sir?’ You can sample the cheese if you don’t believe me’.
Now it so happened the Security Guard was none other than Mister Huggin’s younger brother Tom, and, like him, was very partial to goats cheese. So he replied ‘Go on then, show me what you have got ‘. ‘With pleasure,’ said Big Daddy Bluff, who was carrying a specially made up packet for just this purpose. Then, while Tom was busy stuffing his face with the cheese, off Daddy Goat Bluff set clippity clop, clippity clop, across the bridge.
Next it was Nanny Goat Gruff’s turn. She had a bit more trouble persuading Security to wave her through as Tom was beginning to get rather tired of these excuses. But then she had a brainwave. She had noticed that while Tom was talking to her he was patting her back as if he wanted to jump on. So she said ‘Would you like a ride, Mister Security Man?’ ‘Ooh, yes Please , Nanny,‘ Tom said. It had been a secret ambition of his ever since he missed out on the donkey rides as the seaside as a young Troll, because his pushy elder brother always bagged them first. ‘OK then’ Nanny replied,‘ I will let you climb aboard on one condition – that you let me carry you right across to the other side’. So off the two of them went, clippity clod, clippity clod until they reached the West End of the bridge where the others were waiting. Nanny suddenly stopped and bucked her hind legs in the air, sending Tom flying to the ground. ‘Off you get, you big lump, you weigh a ton,‘ she said . They watched as Tom picked himself up and dusted himself down and then hobbled back to the gate house. ‘That will teach him to treat goats like donkeys’ said Beth.
Finally along came Khalid with the Three Silly Billies. ‘Halt’, shouted Tom who was by now in a Very Bad Mood. ‘At last. Now, goatsherd, do you have a permit, or else pay up’. Then turning to Non Binary Billy he exclaimed: ‘And what have we got here. It looks like a sheep, and you know sheep aren’t allowed on the bridge on Wednesdays. Just what are you playing at? Khalid, replied ‘Dear Sir, he is a goat who likes dressing up in sheepskins, especially when it is cold like today. You yourself, I see, are wearing a fleece. These days, even animals can be non binary, everyone can be as sheepish or goatish as they want to be’
‘Hmm,’ replied Tom Huggins, feeling his fleece jacket rather nervously and recalling arguments he had had with his elder brother on the subject. ‘Well OK, you may have a point there, but let me take a closer look and see what’s what’. He was thinking ‘Hmm, this one would go nicely with roast potatoes and lashings of gravy. Or perhaps Goat a l’Orange. Even a goatburger. Best of all he might make a nice curry with rice and peas’. His boy-friend was a great cook and had a way with Caribbean food. His stomach began to gurgle at the prospect, and being a Troll’s tummy it was a very loud gurgle, so loud, in fact, that it startled the pigeons sitting (and sometimes shitting) on Mister Huggins’s statue and with a great clatter of wings they took to the air.
The sudden noise interrupted his gastronomic reverie and he remembered he was supposed to be guarding the bridge. He turned to Khalid and said ‘That’s all very well but what about the permit? Pay up or you don’t take a step further‘.
‘I don’t have a permit, dear sir, or the money to pay for it, I’m afraid’ said Khalid, but we can put on a show to entertain you instead’. He brought out his flute and began to play a catchy, foot tapping dance tune from his favourite Yusuf Lateef album. On cue Billy Twinkle Toes went into his routine and soon he had Tom capering about trying to do the Clip Clop.
‘Now’s our chance’ shouted Khalid, ‘away the Billies’, and he and the goats trotted , clippity clippity clop as fast as they could all the way to the West End of the bridge where Beth, Panic, Rin Tin Tin and the others were gathered, cheering them on.
In the midst of the joyful reunion Khalid glanced about him and couldn’t see Billy Rough’n’tough anywhere. Then he looked back across the bridge and saw to his horror that Tom had arrested him and chained him up to one of Mister Huggin’s legs. Fortunately they had made a plan for just such an eventuality and without waiting to be told, Rin Tin Tin, Panic and Beth raced towards the gate house. Tom barred their way, but Panic kicked his legs from under him and Rin Tin Tin stood guard to make sure he didn’t try to get up. Beth quickly grabbed the keys from Tom’s trouser belt and unlocked the goat. At this point Tom managed to throw Rin Tin Tin a bit of left-over goat’s cheese he had in his pocket. While the dog was distracted he scrambled to his feet, clutching his trousers in one hand and a stun gun in the other. ‘Leave him to me’, said Rough’n’Tough, ‘ Enuff is Enuff . He lowered his head and charged, butting Tom high into the air and over the parapet into the river below. They all rushed to look over and saw the poor guy floundering about in mid-stream. ’Perhaps he can’t swim,‘ Beth cried in alarm. The next moment Rin Tin Tin had dived in to perform his second great rescue act in this story.
‘I don’t know about you lot’ said Khalid a bit later, when they had re-assembled on the West bank, ‘but after all this excitement I could do with some dinner. Show us the way to Maggie’s Farm, Beth, I am sure there are plenty of nice things for the Billies to munch and I’ve brought a picnic just for the two of us.’
We don’t know what was said over the goat’s cheese salad, because this is not that kind of story but, as you can see, they ended up with their arms around each other as they gazed at the sunset, so we can assume their conversation was not confined to a discussion of the day’s events!
Graphic: Four pagestory strip
Page 49: Aftermath
Scenario Text (done as strip)
Meanwhile, back on the bridge, Tom is telephoning his brother to tell him what has happened. Mr Huggins is apoplectic ’You let yourself be taken for a ride by those stupid goats and then get head butted for your trouble. You’re worse than useless. I’m getting a robocop to replace you. You’re fired!’
‘Oh well’, Tom said to himself, ’it’s time to move on. Maybe it’s for the best. I never did like working for my brother, and as for Troll Fabrications, I hope it drowns in its own shit. Anyways, looking on the bright side, I learnt some new dance steps‘. And he went clip clop, clip clop dancing across the bridge and into a whole new life story….
Graphic: Tom dancing away into the sunset with a black edged rainbow on the horizon
Page 50-51: End game?
Back in his bunker Huggins is in the shower washing himself with green soap and in a towering rage (graphic shows him with neck fully extended)
Huggins: No one gets the better of Troll. I’ve got something that will put a stop to their little caper. Suddenly shape shifts into wearing a kilt, a Tam O’Shanter and carrying a bagpipes.
Och aye the noo, lets give that Greta and her followers something to greet about. Adriana, get me a fake-up of that little trouble maker and let’s put her on the payroll he, he!
Greeta Hello everyone. I am Greta Thunberg. Welcome to my video podcast. Today I want to tell you about a brilliant new project I have become involved with. It is producing lithium to power our cars and phones using a revolutionary new mining technology which doesn’t harm the environment. So it’s a win-win situation for our transition to a greener economy, something we all want. I am working with Troll Inc to promote this project. Now I know some of you may be suspicious of Troll because of some of their past activity. But I have personally met with their CEO Mister Huggins and I am glad to be able to report that he has had a change of heart and is now fully in support of the need to reach Net Zero by 2030. As a token of this he has made a generous donation to my campaign.
Khalid is watching the podcast with his dad Amadi and across the river Beth is also watching with Maggie. We cross-cut between their reactions.
Amadi: There you go, Khally. I told you so. Troll are not as bad as they are made out, even that Greta Thunberg supports their plans.
Khalid: Huh, she’s just like all the rest. She’s been bought out by Troll. Shame. I thought she was different. I wonder what Beth is thinking, she was completely taken in by her. I always had my doubts. Well there’s one way to find out!
Cut to Maggie’s Farm, Beth and Maggie sitting round a table
Maggie: So it looks like she has seen sense after all
Beth: I don’t believe it. It may look like Greta, but that’s not the Greta Thunberg I know! Its Huggins up to his tricks again. Just another deep fake. Like he did last time with you and Amadi.
Maggie: You always say that .
Beth: Well, there’s only one way to find out.
Podcast continues
Greta: One of the most exciting parts of the new Troll project in the Vimur valley is their plan to get rid of sheep and goats, which we all know are a major source of pollution with all the methane they produce, and replace them with Wind Farms on the hills and solar panels everywhere else. So that is another clear win-win for green energy.
Beth: Well she’s wrong there. We feed our sheep a special diet so they fart far less.
Maggie: I am not so sure about those solar panels, either, we need the pasture. Let them put all that stuff on the East Bank, the ground is all stony there anyway.
Cut back to
Khalid: Greta’s talking out of her arse. My goats are not big farters or belchers. Humans make more gas than they do!
Amadi: Speak for yourself, Khally.
Khalid: Especially dad.
Amadi: A Wind Farm might be a good idea as long as it doesn’t interfere with our goats. But definitely no to solar panels.
GRAPHIC Infogram Showing daily average amounts of methane produced by sheep, goats, cows and humans. Information in text bubbles coming out of their bottoms! Note the fake Greta is drawn to look exactly like the real one, except she is portrayed wearing a yellow anorak, as in her iconic photograph
Page 52 /4: Speaking truth to power
Later that day Khalid and Beth set up a Zoom with Greta
Beth: Hey Greta. Its Beth.
Khalid: And Khalid
Greta T: Hi there Both. How’s it going? You must be excited and tired after all that … Some result we just got!
Beth: We just saw your new podcast.
Khalid: The one where you jump ship, go back on everything you have said and come out in support of Troll!
Greta T: What you talking about? I haven’t done any such podcast, and I deffo would never say or do anything to support Troll.
Beth: (to Khalid) I told you so. (to Greta) Troll just sent out a fake podcast with what looked like you telling everyone how great their mining operation was gonna be and how it was going to tackle climate change.
Greta T: The bastard!! Thanks for letting me know. I will make sure it’s taken down immediately and issue a statement. It’s illegal to do this and I could sue Troll for damages!
Khalid: I must admit it had me fooled to begin with. Glad to hear it was fake.
Beth: Oh Ye of Little Faith, Khalid!
Greta T: It’s not the first time this has happened to me. When I was little some of the other kids in school used to bully me and tell the teacher I had done naughty stuff which was all a lie so I would get punished. So I used to get called a brat a lot as if I was someone who was spoilt and wanted to bend the rules to get their own way. But as I have pointed out, the ones who are really behaving like spoilt children are our leaders, who say they are going to fix the climate crisis and then do nothing, who refuse to lead and just bend the rules so they look good. But now I discover that on TikTok saying someone is a brat is meant as a compliment, it means someone who stands up for what they believe is right, so I am quite happy to be called that! Maybe one day our so-called leaders will join my brat pack!!
Khalid: Wow! Random!! Totally Cool!!!
Beth: Khalid, stop showing off your Tik Tok talk. (To Greta) Why did you get bullied at school?
Greta T: Cos I was different from the other kids.
Beth: How?
Greta T: Well, for a start I was a bit of a budding boffin even though I didn’t do that well in my school work.
Khalid: Me too!
Beth: Shut up and listen, Mister Me Too, Greta is telling her story.
Greta T: I went through a dark time when I felt very isolated and lonely, I couldn’t communicate with people, even with my parents, I stopped eating, lost a lot of weight. I didn’t go to school. My parents didn’t know what to do at first, no-one seemed to know what was wrong with me, but then they went and got me some help.
Beth: So what helped?
Greta T: The main thing was that they did some tests and discovered that I was suffering from Aspergers!
Khalid: What’s Aspergers? Sound like something you get from eating too many big Macs! Sorry, Only Joking, Greta.
GretaT: Ha ha. Well its named after a rather dodgy doctor who discovered that some peoples’ brains are wired in a particular way, so that for example they may be brilliant at Math, but not very good at picking up social cues, which can make their everyday life quite difficult. Einstein had it. Nowadays its usually called ASD.
Beth: So did it make a difference getting the diagnosis?
Greta T: Well it made a big difference to my parents and also it meant we could work out a plan to manage it so I was able to function better in school and social situations.
Beth: What happened next?
Greta T: WelI, I guess I had my eureka moment – not that I jumped out of a bath cos I had discovered a new bit of physics like that Ancient Greek guy….
Khalid: Let’s hear it for Archimedes!
Greta:T In my case it was the sudden realisation that the planet, our home on earth, was on fire and no-one, least of all the adults who were supposed to be in charge of things, the governments, were taking any notice, despite all the warnings that climate scientists were giving them. So it was up to us, the younger generation, to demand that they listen to the science and take action.
Beth: So that’s how you came to do the school strike?
Greta T: Yeah. Funny thing is that as soon as I started to actually do something about it, I felt a whole lot better about myself and other people. The medication may have helped, and of course the support of my family, but the big difference was that I suddenly realised I had some real inner resources. I think my neuro-diversity, as they call it now, actually helped rather than hindered that process.
Beth: Well, you have certainly helped us to do some thinking outside the box and figure out how to send Mister Huggins and Co packing!
Greta T: Honestly, it was a bit of a no brainer!
Swots Corner: Note on Aspergers and ASD, Note on Archimedes
PART THREE A THOUGHT EXPERIMENT
Page 55/56: The Gobsmackers
Text: A happy ending then? Well it is not quite the end of our story. Maybe it’s only the beginning of another one? Before our readers decide what happens next let’s check out what Beth and Khalid are up to. They decide to Zoom the Professor and bring him up to date with all the news.
Professor: Well, you certainly have been having an excellent adventure. What’s next, I wonder. Does Mister Huggins take revenge? Or does he give up and pull out? Do the two communities come together and strike a better deal with Troll, so they get more benefits at less cost to the environment from the lithium mining? Is this an occasion for yet more greenwashing? Or maybe these events prove a real game changer and mark the beginning of the end for these kind of operations?
Beth: Well I guess it’s down to us. Erm, actually I’ve got an idea for a sequel to our story that maybe takes it to a new level. It’s called ‘Gobsmackers’
Professor: What is that? Some kind of militant atheist group that goes around beating up people who hold religious beliefs? I don’t like the sound of it, I’m afraid!
Beth(giggles): No, Professor, GoBsmackers not Godsmackers! It’s about a space colony originally established by Troll on the moon, cos they have discovered large amounts of lithium and graphene there, which means that they can make batteries that are much cheaper, and last longer. So Mister Huggins abandons his project in the Vimur Valley and pays compensation to the East and West Bankers. Better still, he offers us to come along for the ride!
Khalid: Do we take him up on the offer?
Beth: Only to find out what he’s up to! Anyway we decide to stow away on the space ship.
Khalid: Oh no, I know what’s coming next. We get discovered, the AI guidance system goes rogue and takes us back to earth where we end up back on Maggie’s Farm.
Beth: That’s your worst-case fantasy not mine! Nope, what happens is we find that Troll has already established a colony on the moon. It’s populated by weird mutant more-than-human folk who do the mining. Everyone has both male and female parts, so coupling is quite complicated and they rarely do it unless they want twins. Instead people kiss a lot – that’s why they’re called gobsmackers.
Graphic of Gobsmackers kissing. Graphic of Mister Huggins as the Troll in the Moon (after Melies) with batteries for eyes.
Khalid: Wow ! Random!! Post Binary !!! I’m totally gobsmacked !!!!
Professor: I guess there’s not much dialogue then, people are too busy kissing. Could be a drawback for story development!
Beth: Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe they are telepathic and communicate in thought bubbles.
Khalid (thought bubble): You mean like this?
Beth (thought bubble): Yeah exactly.
Khalid (thought bubble): It’s a no brainer.
Professor: It seems that your Gobsmackers are what used to be called herm-aphro-dites!
Khalid: You mean dykes who wear Afro Perms? Weird – but I like the sound of it!
Beth: Khalid! You need to get your head seen to, not just your ears!
Professor: In ancient Greek mythology, Aphrodite, the Goddess of Beauty, falls in love with Hermes, the trickster and shape shifter, they have a child who combines the names and the anatomical features of both parents.
Khalid: Blimey, that lets the androgenie outa the bottle
Beth: Shut up Khalid, go and talk to your goats. (to the Professor) That’s cool. Perhaps I’ll call the space colony that …
Professor: So what happens in your story, Beth ?
Beth: We decide we deffo don’t wanna mutate and spend all our free time kissing.
Khalid: Or working for Troll mining graphene.
Beth: Don’t interrupt! When we arrive, at first everyone welcomes us, but then once we say we don’t wanna mutate it turns nasty. Should we go back to earth, which has become practically uninhabitable, or try to make a go of it as extra-terrestrials in the space colony. That’s as far as I‘ve got, I’m afraid. I‘m as stuck as my characters about what happens next!
Professor: Hmm. I wonder whether it might not actually be more interesting to bring the whole story down to earth a bit. We know all about the history of colonialism here, don’t we, it didn’t go well and just relocating it to some extra-terrestrial world is not likely to have a better outcome. Perhaps you could turn the story round and set it in some kind of experimental community here so the issue is whether they should relocate to another planet or try and make a go of things on earth.
Beth: Khalid and I wondered if you would like to meet Greta Thunberg. You mentioned you were giving some talks. Maybe you could invite her to come along?
Professor: I’ll do better than that. Why don’t you all come and you can form a panel to discuss some of the issues with me? So they did.
Page 57-60: Swot Shop Talk
Graphic: Lecture theatre packed with students. Beth, Khalid and Greta T sitting on stage with the Professor. Beth is wearing her Save Our Sheep T shirt, Khalid his Goats for Gaia T shirt and Greta T her How Dare You T shirt
Professor: Today I would like to introduce three young people whom I have invited along today to discuss some of the issues we have been dealing with earlier in these talks. Two of them you will already know, because they are stars of the story you have just read. So please welcome Beth and Khalid. Beth and Khalid come onto the stage to applause. And now I would like you to welcome our special guest, someone many of you will have seen on social media and TV or heard about and whose actions for climate justice have received world-wide attention: Who am I talking about?
Audience: Greta Thunberg! Professor: Let’s start by thinking about the story we have all just read, and how the stories we tell ourselves and each other about the way the world is, how these stories are put together and organised, what impact they have on us and on how we relate to what is going on around us.
Khalid: Do the characters in books always have to do and be what their authors tell them?
Professor: That’s a very good question. And not an easy one to answer. As a general rule if the characters in a story are treated like puppets, where the author pulls the strings and they have to go through the motions of whatever actions are in the script, then they remain wooden and the plot is mechanical. From the reader’s point of view the story is rather boring and predictable.
Khalid (thought bubble): I don’t think anyone would like to be in a story like that!
Professor: On the other hand, a lot of authors say that no sooner have they invented the characters, than they take on a life of their own, and the writer’s task is to be guided by what these figments of their imagination want to become. In this view story-making is an act of constant improvisation, full of surprises for the listeners or readers, and even to the authors themselves, keeping everyone wanting to find out what happens next.
Beth (thought bubble): Sounds more like our kind of thing!!
Professor: In my view there is a spectrum, with very formulaic stories at one end and very original ones at the other. So for example most thrillers, romance, action/adventure and sci-fi can be put at the formulaic end but some books written by exceptional authors are truly original works of literature.
Kalid: Does that mean you just have to learn the formula and then you can write a best-selling sci -fi novel? In that case why not use AI? Just feed in enough sample material into the system and the algorithms will do the rest.
Professor: Well, I guess that could be done where the plots are very mechanical and the images are very stereotypical. It is true that stories have unwritten rules, which gives the plot a certain structure and momentum. A very clever and original writer called Kurt Vonnegut once argued that you could plot a story line as it unfolds in time according to whether the events were a cause for hope or despair. So for example this is the graph he drew for the Cinderella story. (Shows slide)
Khalid: Hmm, looks a bit like the so called ‘hype cycle’ of what happens with new technologies. I read about it. Starts with everyone worried about some problem, then someone comes up with a bright idea for a new fix, everyone gets excited about it, it’s going to solve everything, then once they start to test it out and see how it would work in practice , they hit lots of hitches, and you get the ‘pumpkin effect’, it’s not a quick fix, it might not even work, so interest slumps, the project is written off as a failure, but some people don’t give up and carry on worrying away at the problems, until sometimes they succeed and produce something that works and might be a bit of a game changer, even though it doesn’t live up to the initial hype.
Beth: That’s the story of Artificial Intelligence!!
Professor: Hmm, yes. I must admit I hadn’t thought of that connection. Well spotted. Khalid. You’re on to something there. Maybe we humans are always yoyo-ing, hoping for too much and then being disappointed. Like they say pride comes before a fall!
Beth:What you’re saying about Cinderella might cover most Manga or Marvel comics. I used to love reading about Spiderwoman, Bat Girl and She Hulk when I was younger but then I realised they were just a version of ‘action man’ dressed up in women’s clothes.
Greta T: There is Captain Planet, the only superhero who is fighting for climate justice. And Aquaman, of course. Oh, and not to forget Poison Ivy, she may be a villain, but she is on the side of the plants!
Khalid: Well, Spiderman doesn’t use cars to travel around, so his carbon footprint must be neutral. And don’t forget Batman and his mission to find alternative sources of clean green energy to power Gotham!
Greta T: There is a comics project which portrays actual climate activists and scientists as super heroes, people like Angel Hsu, Jane Kleeb and Adriano Quintero. I am quite glad they didn’t ask me for that. I don’t see myself as some kind of Environmental Wonder Girl!! I used to imagine that I could be a Superpower like those cartoon characters, but then I discovered that being neuro-diverse meant I already had a kind of super power.
Beth: Still, it would be a good idea if we could get some of these comic book heroes on our side – they have a big following among young people.
Greta T: I don’t expect Marvel Comics to lead the way on that any time soon!
Professor: My grandson is a great comics fan and tells me that Iron Man, alias Tony Stark, is on a quest to save the planet after having renounced the weapon systems which made him rich.
Greta T: Well, I guess it’s always good news when villains see the error of their ways and change sides, but that doesn’t make them heroes in my book. To be honest I can’t see how tech tycoons like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zukerberg, Peter Thiel and Co are going to do more than produce more greenwashing while they carry on with business as usual and make billions. In my book they are definitely part of the problem, not the solution!
Audience Finger-clicking Applause
Swots Corner note on climate activists
Khalid: If a story is a fable, doesn’t that mean that everyone knows in advance what is going to happen? I mean anyone who buys a Spiderman comic knows pretty much what to expect!
Professor: Well no, actually, my grandson is hooked on Iron Man because he doesn’t know from issue to issue what he will get up to next. It’s like a TV soap. I am hooked on East Enders because, however familiar the setting or characters, I am left wanting to see how things turn out in the next episode. Traditional fables and folk tales work differently. They don’t have a single author, for a start and they weren’t originally written down. These were stories originally told and sometimes sung around the fireside on dark winter evenings, or on festive occasions. But here’s the thing – although the listeners would know the basic elements of the plot, the tellers would often add new features, drawing on topical events to improvise and weave into the story line. So these fables were constantly evolving and are the work of many hands as they pass down the generations.
Beth to K (whispers): Doesn’t sound much like the story we’ve been in.
The Professor: Actually ‘Three Billy Goats Gruff’ is just such a story. Animal fables are especially good at pointing up human foibles and telling cautionary tales about them. In this case it’s about the folly of greed, if you have troll tendencies, and the message for little kids is ‘if you get into trouble let Big Daddy sort it out’,
Khalid: Hmmm, not sure about the last part.
The Professor: Well, your script writer apparently agrees with you there! As you found out its always possible to complicate or update such stories and change their ending.
Greta T (thought bubble): All this talk about stories when what we need is an action plan!
(Out loud): Professor, you told us that we need to build a bridge of words out of a wall of silence before we can hope to build a real bridge. But isn’t the moral of your story the opposite of that? If the two communities hadn’t been faced with a common threat – the river flooding and the onset of global heating – they would never have considered the plan to build a bridge and so begin a dialogue around it. Of course, they didn’t initially have the words for that because they had been so physically isolated from one another by the river and by the artificial wall created by their prejudices.
Professor: Yes, Greta, you make a good point there and one you have proved by your own actions. What interests me is what prevents or encourages people, especially young people, from taking action to secure their own future and stop bad things happening to their families and communities. The environment they grow up in must play a big part in this. And here, of course, words and stories can create barriers between different groups as well as connections.
Greta T: So give us an example.
Professor: Well, there is one group, I call them the Groundlings, who are very aware of what is going on around them, in the areas where they live, the places they meet and so on, but they are not so interested in what is going on elsewhere and in fact feel threatened by the prospect of going outside their own territory. Their stories tend to draw a map of the wider world as scary and dangerous in contrast to the safety of home. Then there is another group I call the Earthlings, who are very focussed on what is happening to the planet as a whole but who tend to ignore what is happening on their own doorstep. Their stories are often adventures exploring unknown places, including other planets, and they tend to feel a bit trapped if they are confined to just their immediate. We need to have more stories where these two groups come together.
Graphic of Earthling and Groundling illustrating their different standpoints
Greta T: Well, In my experience as a climate activist you have to get people to recognise that humanity faces a common threat, one that affects young and old, women and men, black and white, rich and poor, Christians and Muslims, Gays and Straight, Neurodiverse and Neurotypical – though of course some of them much more than others! I have found that actions speak louder than words. People only take notice when their habits – habits of mind as well as their everyday routines – are somehow disrupted. Or challenged. When I started the school strikes at first nobody listened and the media ignored me. But then lots of young people came out of school to join me, then teachers and parents began to think we really meant business and quite a lot of them came to support us. And then it became news.
Graphic: photo-montage of scenes from school strike.
Graphic: Audience finger-clicking applause
Beth: Another thing I wasn’t happy about in our story was the way animals were treated. I don’t mean they were ill-treated as such but I am not sure Rin Tin Tin, Panic and the three Silly Billies got as much profiling as they deserve. After all, without them Khalid and I would never have met. Mister Huggins would still be running the show. It was the goats and the sheep that initially set the two communities against each other, but it was the animals that eventually brought people together. Audience finger-clicking applause
Greta: The time we are living isn’t called the anthropocene for nothing!.* It’s humans, but especially rich and powerful humans, whose actions and inactions are destroying the biosphere, disrupting natural ecologies, reducing bio-diversity. We humans are the only species that goes about undermining its own life support system and then we have the cheek to act as if our lives are the only measure of what’s important.
Beth: Yeah, I’m not sure about treating animals as if they were just humans in disguise. Especially when they are so often made out to be dumb or nasty. Like if you call someone sheepish it’s supposed to mean that they are lacking in self-confidence, and always follow the brat pack but my sheep certainly ain’t like that, they are always straying off the beaten track and doing their own thing – that’s why I need a good sheep-dog like Panic to sort them out!
Khalid: Likewise with goats. People compare them to bullies and scumbags who have bad table manners but they are intelligent, look out for each other and are very picky eaters.
Professor: Yes, you are all absolutely right. We have to learn to listen to the non-human world, and let it speak to us in its own way without projecting our own fears or desires onto it. But I am not sure I agree with those who say the planet would be better off without us humans on it. Like when you ask them about the planet getting destroyed – they just reply ‘bring it on’!
Page 60 – 64: The fire this time?
Professor: Let’s finish by conducting a little thought experiment. Let’s think about how this story might end. Will the two communities get together and decide to destroy the bridge and Huggins’s statue and revert to the status quo? Their campaign slogan might then be: ‘Let us blow up our bridges before we come to them’.
Or they might decide to let Troll continue with the mining project but insist on changes to their contract to reduce the damage done to the environment and to ensure both communities benefit equally. Their banner might read ‘Bridges are not just for crossing.’
Or then again maybe East and West Enders might find a legal way of stopping Troll from developing the Lithium mine and then take over the bridge and run it as joint enterprise as part of a green plan for the whole area. Their slogan could be ‘Let us not cross our bridges until we have built them together’. Mr Amadi might even be able to open his coffee shop!
Next week’s assignment will be to explain which of these endings you think makes for a) the most likely outcome, b) the most interesting story. For this I would like you to consider your answers in the wider context of the climate emergency. Here are three possible scenarios of what this story world might actually look like in 2050. (Shows three slides of landscapes.)
- Global heating The bridge is derelict, the river is dried up and the land on both sides is scorched. The lithium mine has been abandoned. There are no animals but Mister Huggins’s luxury bunker is still there and is now surrounded by rubbish dumps with toxic fumes rising from them.
- The Technofix The bridge has been replaced by a tube for fast transit autocars. The East Bank is covered in a gigantic wind farm and the west bank with solar panels. Maggie’s Farm has been converted into a bio-tech factory producing plant-based meat and veg. Drones circle overhead.
- Ecotopia Sheep and goats in mixed herds grazing on grassland on both sides of the river. The Bridge has been turned into a cycle and pedestrian route. The river has been used for an irrigation system, eco-houses with allotments dot the landscape, wind farms on the mountainside.
What I would like you to do is choose one of these options and, using the road maps provided in Swots Corner ( pages ), create a time-line of possible events in your story leading to this outcome. Then use that as the basis of an illustrated story, with the same characters, adding new ones if you need to.
Professor: (Turning to Khalid, Beth and Greta)
And now, my dear young friends, it only remains to thank you for your contributions. I don’t know about you but I am gasping for a cup of coffee. As the Ethiopian saying goes, ‘buna dabo naw’, ‘Coffee is our daily bread’. Good name for a coffee shop, come to think of it.’
NOTE TO READERS: IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A GO AT THIS GO TO THE PROJECT WEBSITE FOR FURTHER INFORMATION
Pages 65 /66: What Happens Next?
Graphic: Amadi’s Buno Dabo Naw Coffee shop with Khalid, Beth, Greta and the Professor sitting at a table outside. Behind them, in the distance, there are dark clouds and smoke rising from a devastated landscape.
Greta: This coffee is great. It would be good to grow it in your valley. (to Beth) By the way, I read the Gobsmackers story outline you sent me and liked it a lot. But from my point of view, science fact about climate change is more important than science fiction. Even though a lot of sci-fi is exciting to read, we can already see what the future might look like – just look over there (she points to the plume of smoke in the background). We need to use our imaginations to figure out what we can do to stop this happening.
Professor: Well, my general advice to anyone caught up in the business of story making is not to spend too much time reading, writing and researching in libraries. Instead take a run in the fresh air, while it lasts! Leave wherever or whatever is home, go out, become many other people, brave the outside world, split off somewhere else, embrace the foreign on its own terms and not because it is ‘exotic’. You will then be embarked on your own journey and if you are lucky and work hard enough at it, you will come back with an interesting tale for your fellow travellers and some idea of how best to tell it. And Greta is right. Today, for your generation, that means taking a leaf or two out of her own book and acting now, not waiting until its almost too late, which is what a lot of us old timers have done. Beth and Khalid: Ok grandad, so what happens next